We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
