I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
