Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
