Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize