Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
