God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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