I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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