We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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