3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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