If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
