My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
