I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
soo... how was my night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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