I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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