wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
