Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
