My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dignity is for republicans.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
