would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
