moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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