I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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