How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've blown a few things in my day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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