After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
