Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
