I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
