i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
