I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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