FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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