just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
