How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
