so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
