Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
