I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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