Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
