maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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