M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
