I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
