Having a random hookup so left but love u
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
