i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
