Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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