so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
