Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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