Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
