ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
