ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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