I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
