Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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