Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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