we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
