is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
