We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Every concussion has its silver lining
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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