Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
