I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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