You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
