I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
