yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
