Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
